Behavior Modification for Hamsters

The bipedal beings who oversee my confinement are an obstinate species.

Regardless of my patient attempts to train these creatures to let me out of this cage in response to a distinct pattern of raps and rattles, my chief warden continues to taunt me by allowing me to explore my surroundings only at her leisure.

Today, I am beginning a new method of behavior modification.

Every time that my human fails to let me out, I shall fling a precisely-aimed poop at her through the bars of my cage.

Sandalwood by Lisa Loeb (with Annotations)

My captors appear to have an unhealthy fascination with collecting useless objects. Rather than collecting something reasonable, such as sunflower seeds or toilet paper rolls, they prefer to line their nesting areas with plastic materials and shiny discs.

These creatures are not entirely without culture, however, for I was able to decode one of their texts. Literary analysis suggests that this is, in fact, a famous hamster love sonnet translated into the language of these bipedal creatures.

(  Lyrics and annotated notes follow. )